PG Wodehouse

If you've never read anything by PG Wodehouse, you should. He's amazing. That is all.

“Sorry I’m late. I got entangled in some particularly adhesive spaghetti and have only just succeeded in hacking my way to safety. Anything sensational happen in my absence?”

--

“I suffer from indigestion.”

Monty was aware of this, and the knowledge had always given him pleasure, though his gratification would have been increased if the malady had been bubonic plague.

--

“Butterwick,” I said, “you have maligned a splendid young man whom I love like a son. Go into the silence, Butterwick, I’m not speaking to you. I wouldn’t speak to you if your shirt was on fire. I regard you as a louse of the first water, and I hope that on your way back to West Dulwich you get run over by an omnibus.”

--

“…they’re Japanese cultured.”
“Japanese cultured?”
“They are phonies.”
“Phonies?”
“Fakes.”
“Fakes?”
“Make up your mind, Bodkin, whether you are a man or an echo in the Swiss mountains.”